I found out on Monday, March 21, 2016 that I’m pregnant. This is my third pregnancy. My last one  ended quickly by miscarriage. And so, for that reason, it is a very different experience this time around. I’m excited…? I am, it’s just that I have a lot of reservations. I don’t want to “get my hopes up” in case this one ends the way my last one did.

We decided not to tell anyone until I’m through the first trimester because maybe we jinxed it last time by telling family so soon. But truthfully? It’s that I’m afraid. Afraid this one won’t work out. Afraid of the pain of telling people (even just close family) that the baby they were so excited about welcoming isn’t actually coming.

I had a phone appointment with my doctor who asked how I was doing. I was honest and told her, “Well, I’m feeling incredibly anxious.” She said that’s normal for a first pregnancy after miscarriage and that the only thing I could do right now is take care of myself and try not to worry.

So that’s what I’m going to try to do. God has a plan for us. Ryan and I have talked about it and have decided that if something goes awry with this pregnancy, we should take that as a sign that our family is meant to be 3. In the meantime, as scared & nervous as I am, I am hopeful. Hopeful that I can see this pregnancy to full term and that around November 27, 2016 (a Thanksgiving baby!), we’ll meet Baby Riddle #2 (#3?).

Disclaimer: This post was written on Saturday, March 26, 2016.