Category: Blog

Posts and updates on my life and my attempt to balance the different aspects of it

Grandma

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Our trip back to Hawaii after a two-year absence was bittersweet. On the morning of July 27th, my grandma, Evelyn (Evy) Lum Lim suffered a massive stroke. After a week in a mostly non-responsive state, she left this earthly world on August 2, 2021 and passed away surrounded by her children. She was almost 90 but with something as sudden as a stroke, we were left stunned that the matriarch of our family was gone.

Grandma at my brother Ian’s wedding, August 2019

I cannot even begin to say what it meant to be able to see her and spend time with her before her stroke. A few days prior, we were at our family’s favorite Chinese restaurant, Happy Day, after taking her to the immersive Van Gogh experience at the Hawai’i Convention Center. She really enjoyed the art show and marveled all dinner long at Taylor sitting there eating food and asking for more. I’m so thankful we went back when we did.

Grandma’s last family dinner with us at Happy Day, July 22, 2021

As a kid, we spent a lot of time at my grandma’s house. With the family business, my mom worked out of there for most of my life and she hosted almost weekly family dinners.  She lived down the street from my elementary, middle, and high schools so much of my after-school time and summers were spent there. Of all my grandparents, I was closest with my Grandma Lim because of the time we spent together. 

When I was little, my grandma would take me with her to go shopping or run errands because I was her good luck parking charm.  We always found good parking together. I remember not liking to hold her hands because she had rough, scratchy skin. I never made a fuss about it to her but would comment to my parents about grandma’s sandpaper hands. 

Grandma and me at my 2nd birthday party, May 1987

My grandma was a good cook. After owning two restaurants in NY and living with my GrandFoo, she had to be. When we lived out in Ka’a’awa, our family hosted Thanksgiving one year. My grandma got there and realized that she forgot the stuffing. Her stuffing is the best and it’s what makes Thanksgiving for many of us. In fact, now as an adult cooking my own Thanksgiving meals, I make her stuffing recipe every year. My uncle declared that we couldn’t have Thanksgiving without her stuffing and drove all the way back to Makiki to get it. Not to say that everything she made was good. When I was a teenager, my grandma got on a bit of a health kick and came across a recipe for “Tofu Key Lime Pie.” Yes, it’s as gross as it sounds but she made it regularly for what seemed like years. I could never be rude to my grandma so I’d take small portions and pick at it or politely decline because I was “so full” from her delicious dinner 😉

Not Thanksgiving, but Christmas. December 2018.

Once I was an adult and had moved away, she would send me newspaper clippings of things I might find interesting. She sent me a whole feature on Bruno Mars one time because “you went to school with him and will want to see this!” Whenever I’d get promotions at work or start new jobs, she would send me a note to say how proud she was of me. I teared up writing that sentence as I realized that I’ll never get another one of those in the mail from her. 

Roosevelt High School graduation, June 2003

She became Tai Tai when Nolan was born. She made the mistake of hiding a Hot Wheels car in her purse once and sending him to look for it. After that, for maybe a few years, whenever Nolan saw her he would ask to look in her purse. And almost every time she was ready with a Hot Wheels car hidden in it. Taylor didn’t get to spend as much time with Tai Tai because of the pandemic. Prior to this summer’s trip, he was only 2 the last time we were in Hawai’i. But she followed my Facebook posts closely and texted me regularly to tell me how much she loved watching those boys or how she enjoyed reading my funny stories about them. 

  • Nolan finding a Hot Wheel car in Tai Tai’s purse
  • Tai Tai and baby Taylor
  • The boys relaxing with Tai Tai and Goong Goong
Tai Tai and her great grandsons

My grandma was hip. She always dressed fashionably and had big white rimmed sunglasses for as long as I can remember. She drove a bright red Honda Fit because she always wanted a red car. She wore an Apple Watch, had an iPhone and iPad, and even had hearing aids that connected by Bluetooth to her phone so she could stream Pandora directly to them. She FaceTimed and texted and used emojis better/more appropriately than anyone I know.

Grandma in her signature white sunglasses

I went to the hospital to see her hours after the stroke. It was the only day that she was fairly responsive. I played a recording for her of the kids saying, “We love you Tai Tai! Get better soon!” My aunty said, “Mom, Aarika is here. If you know Aarika is here, stick out your tongue.” And she stuck it out! When it was time for me to leave, I rubbed her arm and said “I love you, Grandma.” She whispered back in slurred speech, “Love you too. Love you too.” 

After that day, she was no longer responsive and I couldn’t bring myself to go back to the hospital to see her like that. I was so grateful for the last moment we shared. The last memory I have of my grandma is the two of us saying I love you to each other and it’s a beautiful one that I will cherish.

19 months and 8 days

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I have so many emotions writing this post, but more than anything, I’m incredibly proud. If you’re reading this, you likely know Taylor’s complicated history of health issues. But today is a day of celebration.

We have a g-tube graduate!

Showing off – no more g-tube!

Today, after 19 months and 8 days, his doctor removed his g-tube. At 32 months old (exactly) he weighs 26.5 pounds. I can’t say that the journey was fun, nor can I say that his eating issues are cured, but the chapter of having a hole in his tummy to eat is over!

Honestly, I thought it would be years before this day came. I have to give Ryan 49% of the credit. If he hadn’t quit his job to stay at home with Taylor and work diligently with him on his eating, I’m convinced Taylor would still be getting calories from a tube. Ryan has counted every. single. calorie. He has figured out how to cram as many calories into as little volume as possible (thank you heavy whipping cream, butter, and olive oil). Ryan gradually pushed him to more solid textures and cleaned up A LOT of vomit. He still does, actually, because that shallow gag reflex continues to be a problem.

Look at that belly!

51% of the credit goes to Taylor. Stomaching 1,400-1,600 calories a day isn’t an easy task for such a tiny person. He fought hard (in more ways than one…fought to get through the food and fought us when we had to force him to eat). He is starting to like certain foods, all savory: cheese, meat, cheese, pizza, cottage cheese, French fries, and did I mention cheese? We still fight with him at many meals, but not all. I’m pretty sure if we didn’t insist that he eat, he would never tell us he was hungry. For all the work that still lies ahead, he got through the biggest hurdle.

I’m so proud of this little boy – and our whole family – for making some real life changes. It feels good to be rewarded with amazing progress and see Tay thrive.

A year later…

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A year ago today, I posted about my 20 week ultrasound and all of the scary tests that followed. At the time, we had no idea how Taylor's diagnosis of aqueductal stenosis would impact his life.

Here we are at 8 months old and I'm happy to report that as far as the neurologists are concerned, he's doing great. The shunt seems to be working well, the MRI they did in April looked good, and while they ultimately decided he does NOT have a cavum septum pellucidum (CSP) it doesn't seem to have an impact on him. We are so grateful that he is doing well on this front.

We get a lot of questions about his shunt. Unless it fails, he will have it for the rest of his life. There's a messy spool of tubing in his abdomen that will unfurl as he grows. The tube connects to the shunt and drains the fluid from his brain to his abdominal cavity. He has a variable shunt, meaning that there's a cool magnetic wand thing that his neurosurgeon puts over the back of his head where the shunt is, activating the tiny magnetic pin in the shunt, so they can easily adjust the pressure in his ventricles.

As a result, we have to keep magnets away from his head. He won't be able to play contact sports when he is older, but that's not a big deal.

Cognitively, Taylor is doing really well. He is very alert and responsive. He hasn't missed too many of those types of developmental milestones.

One of the concerns I talked about in last year's blog post was that Taylor was measuring very small – over a week behind where he should be. Turns out this was what we had to be stressed out about.

I love to eat. I never ever thought I'd have a kid who had very little appetite and needed to be put on a weight gain diet (at age 5 months!). He has been diagnosed as failure to thrive, had an 8 day stint in the hospital at the end of April, and came home with an NG tube. He gets colds that last forever which is the last thing a kid who won't gain weight needs (sucking from a bottle is tough with a cold and there's the whole lack of appetite issue).

Last week's check up with his gastroenterology team was hopeful. While it's still slow, they were all satisfied with the rate at which he gained over the past month.

He has missed physical/motor skill developmental milestones. But his doctors think that it's mainly because he's so tiny. We are hoping that once he gains more weight, those milestones will follow.

All things considered, Taylor is doing really well. We are so grateful for the love and outpouring of support we have received over this last year. It has been a crazy year. While we have had our moments (months?) of frustration and emotional exhaustion, we love this little person so much and couldn't imagine our lives without him.

Losing my balance

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Next week, Taylor starts daycare. We went for an informal orientation yesterday and multiple people asked me, “Are you sad about going back to work?” They were shocked when I told them I had been back for a while, that I only took 8 weeks of leave, and that Ryan was the one who had been caring for Taylor during his 18 weeks of paid leave.

Going back so early was hard but when I took this job last summer, I knew that an abbreviated leave was something I was going to have to do to rebuild the region. 

Since returning, my days have been crazy. I’ve been booked solid from 9-5 all over the Bay Area. I’ve figured out the art of pumping while I drive. There have been multiple evening events, too. With my days so packed, I haven’t had time during the day for email or actual work. That means that as soon as the kids are sleeping, I pull out my laptop and get to work. Some days I’m so tired by that point that I decide it is better to go to bed and wake up at 3 or 4am to get work done. 

I’ve fallen off the tightrope. Things have gotten out of control and what was once a balancing act is now a chaotic mess. A healthy work-life balance is something that is important to me and that I want to foster, but how do you achieve it when you have so much to do and not enough hours to do it?

Parents who read this: What advice do you have for managing heavy workloads with your family life? What time management tricks do you utilize during the day to make time for all the stuff you can’t do while you’re in meetings? And how do you not only make time for your kids but for your partner too?

Christmas Brain Surgery

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This year for Christmas, Taylor got just what every kid wants: brain surgery! Today at exactly 5 weeks old (almost to the hour!), he had a ventriculoperitoneal shunt insertion operation to address his hydrocephalus as a result of aqueductal stenosis. Try saying that five times fast. 

Since the diagnosis in July, we have been anxiously (ok, me more so than Ryan because he’s cool as a cucumber) anticipating this day. It was a relief to finally walk into pre-op this morning. He had to fast for 4 hours before surgery (which was at 8:30am). This meant it would be the longest stretch he would ever have to go through without eating. We were prepared for him to start going ballistic by 7am but miraculously, that didn’t happen. Instead he slept straight through until his team of doctors carried him into the operating room.

Taylor in pre-op saying, “Brain surgery? Bring it on!”


Surgery didn’t take long – just over an hour and a half – and went smoothly. They took us back to the PACU (post-anesthesia care unit) where they monitored him for a while. After about 40 minutes there, he was wheeled, with mom and dad in tow, to the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit). We will be here until sometime tomorrow before they move us to the pediatric ward for another day. After that, assuming all looks good, they’ll send us home.

His crib in the PICU


Being in the PICU is stressful. Alarms keep going off because he has been breathing shallowly. He also came out of surgery very cold – only 96 degrees – so he has spent most of his time in the PICU wrapped in loads of warm blankets with his nurse coming in regularly to take his temperature. I’m glad he is being monitored closely post surgery, but it’s giving me an ulcer. 

Lots of warm blankets to create his own personal heat cave


With babies as small as him, you walk a fine line between pain management and keeping them alert enough to eat. We tried to give him a bottle but between the pain from his head, his tummy incision, and his throat from being intebated, the poor guy couldn’t take it. He was inconsolable so they gave him more pain meds which knocked him out. As a parent, even though we knew recovery would be a process, it is heartbreaking to see him in so much pain. 

Daddy holding Taylor after a rough day

For now he is sleeping – something Ryan and I wish we were doing too. But we wouldn’t be sleeping with a “regular” newborn either, so that part of this experience is no different. We are relieved Taylor made it through surgery alright and hope the rest of our stay at Kaiser is uneventful.

Riddle, Party of Four

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Arrival
Taylor George Riddle arrived safely via cesarean section on Tuesday, November 22, 2016 at 11:09 am making us a family of four. He weighed 6 lbs, 2 oz and was 18 inches long.

First photo with mommy and daddy

Hospital Stay
I knew he was going to have to go to the NICU once he was born but it was still hard. The photo above was a snapshot of the 10-15 minutes I got to spend with him before he was whisked away for evaluation. I wouldn’t see him again until almost 12 hours later when Ryan helped get me out of bed and rolled me to the NICU.

Everyday the doctors and NICU team were impressed with how well Taylor was doing. He was eating, sleeping, and breathing okay. Aside from one instance of a drop in temperature, he seemed like a healthy baby with no signs of intracranial pressure affecting him.

Warming up in his pod

I did have to spend Thanksgiving in the hospital. From a food perspective, I don’t recommend it. Ryan had Jack in the Box because it was the only place open. I had this gross meal. Twice (lunch and dinner).

My thanksgiving meal…jealous???

Discharged
After a good MRI and ultrasound of his head, they discharged us on Friday and sent us home. Seriously – I cannot tell you how blessed we are that Taylor is strong and right now, just a regular newborn. Like most babies, he dropped some weight after we took him home. His body is so tiny that he is full on swimming in newborn clothes; we had to go buy a few sets of preemie outfits. Since Sunday, we have been on a feeding plan to get him back up to birth weight. We want him to be as strong and hearty as possible.

Heading home

Next Steps
We met with the pediatric neurosurgery team yesterday to talk about a timeline for surgery to address Taylor’s hydrocephalus. They will be putting a shunt in. The MRI also revealed that despite what they saw during the fetal MRI during my pregnancy, he has no cavum septum pellucidum in his brain. This would normally be concerning but they ruled out all of the bad scenarios so the absence of it is really not an issue.

Given how well he is doing and that right now he is not exhibiting any symptoms to be concerned about, surgery is scheduled for December 27th. If for any reason things look different at his December 15 appointment (or prior to that) they can move surgery up. The risks of anesthesia significantly decrease after a month of age, so since his condition is not urgent, they want to push it out.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and warm wishes. We are grateful to have a supportive network of friends and family. Please continue praying for Taylor. We are feeling incredibly hopeful and positive going into this next month.

Watching his first San Jose Sharks game with daddy and big brother Nolan

We’re totally in love with this little cutie (who looks a lot like his brother did as a baby)

Today’s the day

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I couldn’t sleep. Not a big surprise given that at 10:30am today I go in for a c-section and will come out with a baby.

It was strange when the doctor’s office called me a few weeks ago to schedule his delivery. Picking your child’s birthday is a very different experience than waiting anxiously wondering if today is going to be the day the little person you’ve been carrying for 40ish weeks decides to enter the world.

I’m sure everything will go smoothly with my delivery but it’s still scary. We also have so many unknowns ahead of us too – How long will he be in the NICU? When will they do his surgery? When can people even come see him in the hospital? When will I get to see him?

We are incredibly grateful for the number of prayers our family has received. Thanks so much for adding this baby (and his nervous parents) to prayer lists across the country. I know we are in good hands – both medically and spiritually. Those who know me well know I tend to be a pessimist (I prefer realist) but my overly optimistic husband has reminded me that right now, our boy needs all the optimism we can muster. 

In 4 hours, our boy will be here and we’ll start getting answers to the questions we’ve had for the last 20 weeks. More to come soon.

Update: 31ish weeks

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Since my last post, I have had an ultrasound and appointment with the perinatologist every 4 weeks. It’s to keep tabs on baby’s growth, ventricles, and head circumference.

Everything they have seen in these ultrasounds reinforces that the diagnosis of aqueductal stenosis is correct. His ventricles continue to increase in size.

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Yesterday (31 weeks, 3 days) we had another one. He is measuring at 3 lb, 5 oz which puts him in the 27th percentile for size/weight. His head, however, is quite a bit larger in proportion to the rest of his body, measuring at 35 or 36 weeks. He is also breech and not likely to turn on his own because of how big his head is. What does that mean? It looks like it’ll be a classical c-section for me at about 38 weeks (which is anxiety provoking on many levels – that’s really soon!).

Next week we meet with the pediatric neurosurgeon who will walk us through the surgery and hopefully be able to answer a bunch of questions we have about what life will look like at least in his first few weeks.

Being a parent is stressful

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July 14, 2016. 20 Weeks, 4 days.
Yesterday, we were excited. We had been waiting for this day for weeks: the in-depth ultrasound where they could tell us if we were having a boy or a girl. Right off the bat we found out – it’s a boy!

IMG_1412 (1)

After about 10 minutes, the chatty sonographer got pretty quiet.  That’s when I started to suspect something was up. The perinatologist was called in to take a look. Having had a baby before, I knew this was not normal.

Ryan and I were ushered to a little conference room where the perinatologist delivered the news: things didn’t look right. There were three concerns:

  1. The baby was small, measuring at about 9 days behind where he should be.
  2. The lateral ventricles in the brain were measuring larger than they should be.
  3. And they couldn’t find the cavum septum pellucidum (CSP) or corpus callosum in his brain.

The perinatologist and genetic counselor recommended that we have an amniocentesis done to determine whether there was a genetic issue. It takes 2 weeks for results from an amnio to come back, so they booked one for me the next day (today). It’s important to move quickly, they said, because if this is something bad, we only have until 24 weeks to terminate the pregnancy.

Our 45 minute ultrasound appointment that was supposed to be exciting turned into nearly 5 hours at the doctor and conversations about “worst case scenarios” and terminating the pregnancy. What. The. Heck.

Today was my last day of work at ACS. I tried to be as present as I could, but it was hard knowing that I had to leave early to have the amnio done. I was nervous about the amnio, but now that it’s over with, I realize the anxiety of waiting 2 weeks to learn anything is far greater.

July 28, 2016. 22 Weeks, 4 days. 
We got the results back from the amnio. Everything looked normal which is great – it means no genetic issue.

I had a fetal MRI this morning (side note: lying for almost an hour and a half in an MRI machine, unable to re-adjust is really uncomfortable). They got some very good images which told us the following:

  • The CSP and corpus callosum are present. More great news.
  • He is still running 9-10 days smaller than he should be, which is consistent with what they saw 2 weeks ago during the ultrasound. Maybe he’s just a small baby? Overall, the doctors aren’t too concerned about this.
  • The lateral ventricles are still dilated and larger than they should be. Right now, they believe the diagnosis is aqueductal stenosis – meaning that the passage that lets fluid out of the lateral ventricles is too narrow and it can’t get out, thus making them dilated

We are meeting with a pediatric neurologist next week who will walk us through what this means for him after delivery. As we understand it, it’s hard to know until he’s further along how mild or severe the effects of this will be for him. It’s likely that after he’s born, he will need to have brain surgery to have shunts put in to relieve the pressure/fluid in the lateral ventricles.

As stressful as it is to think about a newborn having surgery, we’ve had a great team of doctors so far and I have a lot of confidence in them. We’re feeling relieved that the amnio came back normal and that he has all structures in his brain are accounted for. We love this boy and continue to pray for his health and wellbeing.

Taking a leap

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In February, a good friend of mine contacted me about a position at the organization she worked for. I wasn’t looking for a new job, but I took a quick glance. I was definitely intrigued. I cautiously started to learn more and talk with people. Almost six months later, I find myself ready to take a leap. On Monday, I’m starting as Executive Director at Reading Partners Silicon Valley.

I’m REALLY excited.

And so grateful for an incredibly supportive husband. Crazy schedule? No problem. My schedule is flexible. Life as an ED with a new baby? Don’t worry. I’ve got you covered. Freaking out about something new? Relax. You are awesome and can do it.

Here we go!