Our trip back to Hawaii after a two-year absence was bittersweet. On the morning of July 27th, my grandma, Evelyn (Evy) Lum Lim suffered a massive stroke. After a week in a mostly non-responsive state, she left this earthly world on August 2, 2021 and passed away surrounded by her children. She was almost 90 but with something as sudden as a stroke, we were left stunned that the matriarch of our family was gone.

I cannot even begin to say what it meant to be able to see her and spend time with her before her stroke. A few days prior, we were at our family’s favorite Chinese restaurant, Happy Day, after taking her to the immersive Van Gogh experience at the Hawai’i Convention Center. She really enjoyed the art show and marveled all dinner long at Taylor sitting there eating food and asking for more. I’m so thankful we went back when we did.

As a kid, we spent a lot of time at my grandma’s house. With the family business, my mom worked out of there for most of my life and she hosted almost weekly family dinners.  She lived down the street from my elementary, middle, and high schools so much of my after-school time and summers were spent there. Of all my grandparents, I was closest with my Grandma Lim because of the time we spent together. 

When I was little, my grandma would take me with her to go shopping or run errands because I was her good luck parking charm.  We always found good parking together. I remember not liking to hold her hands because she had rough, scratchy skin. I never made a fuss about it to her but would comment to my parents about grandma’s sandpaper hands. 

My grandma was a good cook. After owning two restaurants in NY and living with my GrandFoo, she had to be. When we lived out in Ka’a’awa, our family hosted Thanksgiving one year. My grandma got there and realized that she forgot the stuffing. Her stuffing is the best and it’s what makes Thanksgiving for many of us. In fact, now as an adult cooking my own Thanksgiving meals, I make her stuffing recipe every year. My uncle declared that we couldn’t have Thanksgiving without her stuffing and drove all the way back to Makiki to get it. Not to say that everything she made was good. When I was a teenager, my grandma got on a bit of a health kick and came across a recipe for “Tofu Key Lime Pie.” Yes, it’s as gross as it sounds but she made it regularly for what seemed like years. I could never be rude to my grandma so I’d take small portions and pick at it or politely decline because I was “so full” from her delicious dinner 😉

Once I was an adult and had moved away, she would send me newspaper clippings of things I might find interesting. She sent me a whole feature on Bruno Mars one time because “you went to school with him and will want to see this!” Whenever I’d get promotions at work or start new jobs, she would send me a note to say how proud she was of me. I teared up writing that sentence as I realized that I’ll never get another one of those in the mail from her. 

She became Tai Tai when Nolan was born. She made the mistake of hiding a Hot Wheels car in her purse once and sending him to look for it. After that, for maybe a few years, whenever Nolan saw her he would ask to look in her purse. And almost every time she was ready with a Hot Wheels car hidden in it. Taylor didn’t get to spend as much time with Tai Tai because of the pandemic. Prior to this summer’s trip, he was only 2 the last time we were in Hawai’i. But she followed my Facebook posts closely and texted me regularly to tell me how much she loved watching those boys or how she enjoyed reading my funny stories about them. 

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My grandma was hip. She always dressed fashionably and had big white rimmed sunglasses for as long as I can remember. She drove a bright red Honda Fit because she always wanted a red car. She wore an Apple Watch, had an iPhone and iPad, and even had hearing aids that connected by Bluetooth to her phone so she could stream Pandora directly to them. She FaceTimed and texted and used emojis better/more appropriately than anyone I know.

I went to the hospital to see her hours after the stroke. It was the only day that she was fairly responsive. I played a recording for her of the kids saying, “We love you Tai Tai! Get better soon!” My aunty said, “Mom, Aarika is here. If you know Aarika is here, stick out your tongue.” And she stuck it out! When it was time for me to leave, I rubbed her arm and said “I love you, Grandma.” She whispered back in slurred speech, “Love you too. Love you too.” 

After that day, she was no longer responsive and I couldn’t bring myself to go back to the hospital to see her like that. I was so grateful for the last moment we shared. The last memory I have of my grandma is the two of us saying I love you to each other and it’s a beautiful one that I will cherish.